ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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