I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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