Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
