I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
