just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
