i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
