Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
