Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
