There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
