just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
