hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
