Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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