you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
