I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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