Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it because I queefed?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You ruined the universe
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
