i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
