She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
