drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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