The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
