I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
he high fived his dick after we had sex
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
