Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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