i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
