i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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