Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
