i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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