I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We are two peas in an std pod
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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