Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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