yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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