Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
