So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
