Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
