I heard we made out
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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