Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
