man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
