there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
