You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Randomize
