I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That accounts for only three of the penises
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
