somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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