just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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