Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
