Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
