He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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