Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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