glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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