Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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