i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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