I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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