i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
