I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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