he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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