Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
