we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
