I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
