my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
