I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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