k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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