i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
