Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
