the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
